


lexicon

by rewindmp3



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, a series of markbum drabbles inspired by the words on the @Iovelywords twitter account, all the chapters are completely unrelated drabbles/oneshots sorry if that wasn't clear ;~;, mafia!au ish and character death in chapter 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8770285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewindmp3/pseuds/rewindmp3
Summary: vi. irusu (居留守): (japanese, n.): pretending to be out or not at home when somebody comes by your house





	1. aienkien (合縁奇縁)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aienkien (合縁奇縁) (japanese, n.): a couple strangely but happily united; uncanny relationship formed by a quirk of fate; the mysteries of attraction and relationships or bonds between two people

They aren’t supposed to work.

Mark is keen intelligence and eerily perceptive observations hidden behind a veil of soft features, impassive eyes, and peaceful silence. Jaebum is gentle tenderness and sensitive thoughts hidden behind an angular face, a piercing gaze, and explosive commands.

Mark and Jaebum are both too stubborn for their own good. They both have a very clear idea about what is right versus what is wrong—whether that be in regards to moral values, an organizational procedure, or how to do something properly—and must witness the fruition of their method. Mark and Jaebum are also too competitive for their own good. It’s not necessarily a pride thing so much as an overzealous desire to claim the satisfaction of winning. In other words, they both have to get their way when it’s something they care about or if they’re being challenged at all.

The fights they get into could freeze a nation. Well, on Mark’s side, anyways. On Jaebum’s side, the nation would burn to ashes with the flames of his fury. Jackson and Jinyoung are all too well versed in the fights between Mark and Jaebum and that which follows. After a catastrophic event, or what seems like nothing at all, Jaebum will raise his voice, yelling to berate Mark or to defend himself. Mark will sit there quietly, eyeing Jaebum until it seems like his tirade is over, then say perhaps one or two sentences that cut exactly where blood will flow from the most, where Jaebum will hurt the most. This will lead to more yelling on Jaebum’s part, more injurious sneers on Mark’s part, maybe Jaebum breaking something (like a vase, or his hand, or the wall; and if the fight escalates enough, Mark will raise his voice and maybe break something, too). Then one of them (usually Jaebum) will storm out and crash with Jackson and Jinyoung, who are tasked with getting the two to reconcile. They always try to get Mark and Jaebum to resolve their fight before Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom notice, but more often than not, they fail (see the aforementioned stubbornness of both parties for the reason of the failure).

It’s usually Mark who apologizes first. He is the (slightly) more levelheaded of the two and is typically able to pacify his anger more quickly—and when you have Jackson nagging at you that you know Jaebum won’t get his head out of his ass first and see Jinyoung running himself ragged trying to calm the flames and talk some sense into Jaebum, you kind of just want the whole thing to be over and your boyfriend back at your side.

You can see how they aren’t supposed to work. But they do.

They fit together like, excuse the cliché, two pieces of a puzzle.

And, really, the fights they get into, although frightening, are few and far between. It takes a lot for Mark and Jaebum to slip out of their synchronicity and break the innate comprehension of each other that they have.

You see that in the love-filled gazes and warm touches. In the way Jaebum will make sure Mark doesn’t have to do anything he’s uncomfortable with, diverting everyone’s attention in such a way that shifts the burden of action onto himself or to someone else. In the way Mark makes sure to bring Jaebum out of his own head when he’s wrapped up in concerns and sinking with the weight of his worries.

Their uncanny ability to understand what the other wants or means without uttering a single syllable is remarkable. Even when they first met, thrown together in a random group of people for a project, they just seemed to click. While everyone else was grating on their nerves, they were each other’s solace and sanity in the form of eye-rolls and exasperated sighs.

They aren’t a very physically affectionate pair, but the ease with which they interact with each other and navigate the other’s presence belies any outward appearance of distance—exacerbated by Jackson’s lack of conception of personal space, Jinyoung’s need for physical touches as forms of reassurance and comfort, or Mark’s and Jaebum’s general mischievousness in tormenting the youngest three. Their love isn’t obvious, but it’s there, running stronger than carbyne and deeper than the Mariana Trench.

Mark and Jaebum let each other get away with so much more than anyone else. Jaebum may very well be one of the few people Mark will concede to when it comes to decision-making and if Mark decides he wants to jump on Jaebum or sit in his lap or interrupt him when he’s speaking with a nuzzle to the cheek and a cute outburst, all Jaebum will do is smile fondly.

So, they aren’t supposed to work, but they do.

(And I’ll be damned if you can find two people more in love with each other than Mark Tuan and Im Jaebum.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk what this is tbh and i wrote it in less than an hour and haven’t proofread it…. oops.
> 
> carbyne is currently the strongest material on earth and the Mariana Trench is the deepest point on earth


	2. elmosolyodni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> elmosolyodni (hungarian, v.): to slowly break out into a genuine smile when being overcome with emotions, like love or utter happiness

When Youngjae transferred to this university, the first pieces of gossip he ever heard were not about the teachers to avoid or the classes that sucked ass or even the frats that threw the best parties.

No, the very first thing Youngjae heard—from his two very eager underclassmen guides Bambam and Yugyeom—was about all-star campus couple Mark Tuan and Im Jaebum. This was because “they are honestly gorgeous and have the personalities to match and we want to spare you the heartache of falling for one of them” (Bambam) “and if you do try to pursue one of them… you’re good as dead… like the other one will kill you in your sleep” (Yugyeom).

So when Youngjae met Mark and Jaebum for the very first time, he was expecting some outrageous public displays of affection or obnoxiously sappy remarks or anything that would make him want to reevaluate the state of his love life and hurl at the same time. And he did get that, sort of, just not from Mark and Jaebum. Because sitting with them were also Jackson and Jinyoung, who spent the entirety of the lunch period on top of one another (Jackson) or wanting to kill each other (Jinyoung—fondly, though).

During that first lunch period, Youngjae was honestly too distracted by the show that was Jackson vying for Jinyoung’s attention combined with Bambam and Yugyeom vying for _everyone’s_ attention to notice something about Mark and Jaebum other than that they seemed to manage to keep the peace between the seven boys. Yeah, he also noticed that they sat together, and sometimes Mark would rest his chin on Jaebum’s shoulder, or Jaebum would wrap an arm around Mark and pull him closer, but other than that, they just seemed like good friends.

When Youngjae became more used to dealing with (read: ignoring) the rowdier boys’ antics during the lunch period, he began to observe everyone more closely. He had to, to see which missing pieces of their dynamic he could fill and how he could get along best with the other boys.

That’s also when he began to see what Bambam and Yugyeom had meant by “all-star campus couple Mark Tuan and Im Jaebum.”

Youngjae began to see their possessiveness. Bambam and Yugyeom weren’t kidding when they said Mark or Jaebum might kill you for getting to close to the other. Youngjae has seen Jaebum ward off a number of tittering boys and girls wanting to talk to Mark—for not the purest of reasons—with a harsh glare and a nearly imperceptible shake of his head, effectively scaring them off. He’s seen Mark notice someone acting a little too friendly with Jaebum and narrow his eyes a fraction of a centimeter, before plastering a neutral look on his face, sidling up to Jaebum, and wrapping him into a back hug.

Youngjae also began to see the signs of Mark and Jaebum spending the majority of their time together. Like this one time, Mark and Youngjae had arrived earlier than everyone else had for lunch, so they had gotten their food and claimed a table for their group. Mark had just taken a large bite of beef, chewing a bit before pulling a face, then muttering, “Ugh, too salty,” when Jaebum sauntered up to the table with his food and two bottles of water, wordlessly handing one to Mark (who hadn’t picked one up) before sliding into his seat. Another time, they were in the library studying together and Jaebum had his brows furrowed, shuffling his papers in search of something. The rustling made Youngjae look up from the essay he was working on, mouth forming the beginnings of “Do you need help finding something, hyung?” but then, Mark, not even looking up from his problem set, handed Jaebum the eraser he’d been looking for. Jaebum’s face smoothed, Youngjae’s mouth snapped shut, and everyone resumed (or in Mark’s case, continued) their work.

The most telling of all, and maybe the most difficult to notice at first, is the way Mark and Jaebum have special smiles, reserved for only each other. Youngjae saw that, for strangers, they both have polite smiles that convey a willingness to talk, but a guardedness that shows they’re wary. For his friends and their antics, Mark has a canine-showing, high-pitched laughter that rings across a room. Jaebum has a similar open-mouthed laugh, but his eyes crinkle into crescents and his barks of laughter are deeper. For each other, they have smaller smiles, softer smiles that radiate warmth and tenderness. One of them will do something dumb or thoughtful or just plain endearing, and the other will slowly break out into what Youngjae can only describe as one of the two most beautiful smiles he’s ever seen. Every time he sees them smile for each other, Youngjae can’t help but stare. It’s odd, really, because it feels so intimate that Youngjae feels like he’s intruding. But their smiles for each other are mesmerizing. There are tales of trials and love behind their eyes and lips that Youngjae can only hope to experience for himself one day, but maybe if he looks closely enough at Mark and Jaebum smiling at each other now, he can get a glimpse.

When you see Mark and Jaebum smile at each other, you know that they are each other’s and nobody else’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yah once again i wrote this super quickly & didn't proofread so apologies for any errors
> 
> i also really need to practice writing fluff because i can't write fluff for the life of me oh my goddd


	3. anaxiphilia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anaxiphilia (english, n.): love for or attraction to unsuitable mates; an act of falling in love with the wrong person

Make him trust you. Extract intel. Terminate. Then get out.

Those were his orders.

Mark was never supposed to fall in love.

 

Jaebum will tell all of their friends how much luck he had that night at the bar, when he was completely plastered and a kind stranger, one Mark Tuan, took pity on him and looked after Jaebum the entire night. He’ll tell their friends how, the morning after, instead of kicking Jaebum out as soon as he woke up, Mark kindly offered Jaebum an aspirin and some water for his hangover and asked if Jaebum wanted to grab breakfast and coffee. He’ll marvel at how wonderfully they got along, as if they’d known each other their whole lives.

But Mark knows it wasn’t a stroke of luck or a happy coincidence. Every minute of it was planned, every move sent to and approved by the Agency. His very demeanor that first breakfast was calculated to best suit what the Agency knew of Jaebum’s personality.

So of course Jaebum would ask Mark for his number and if he wouldn’t mind meeting up again. And of course Mark happily punched in the digits of his Agency-issued phone (the only phones agents had so frequency of communication, but never content, could be monitored) for Jaebum to contact.

 

This is what Mark is best at. These long-term projects where he needs to gain the target’s confidence are where Mark excels because his personality begs to be loved. He starts off quiet, distant. It’s usually the other person talking first, with Mark listening to their every concern and offering advice or condolence when appropriate. Then, Mark will open up about his life. He’ll start off reluctantly about whatever struggles he’s decided to adopt this assignment, closing off suddenly to let the other person know he doesn’t quite trust them yet. That’s the bait. They always want Mark to trust them. They think Mark, with his quiet determination and dedicated attentiveness, should have a confidante, too, and they want to be his.

It’s not like this is a façade Mark takes on to complete his assignments. He’s like this in real life, which just makes it so much easier for whatever connection he’s building to seem _genuine_.

That’s why he gets these cases. That’s why Mark has a 100% success rate.

(For the record, Mark has the same success rate with quicker, combat eliminations as well. He’s agile and flexible from years of martial arts training and has deadly precision with whatever weapon he can get his hands on. The Agency, however, prefers not to send him on those missions. It’s far simpler to find new combat agents than it is new project agents and Mark is one of their best. He’s invaluable to their reputation and an asset they don’t think they can replace.)

 

“Status update?” are the words Mark hears the first Tuesday of every month at 10:30pm.

It’s a reminder that he has a job to fulfill. Level Ones get the call every five days, Level Twos every ten days, Level Threes every fifteen days, and so on. The Agency trusts Mark, though. He’s proven himself time and time again and he’s the highest ranking agent who’s not an executive, so these calls are more a formality than anything else.

But this time, Mark forgets.

 

He forgets, when he’s with Jaebum, why he’s there. Because being with Jaebum is like finally being able to breathe. It’s like that moment when you taste an amazing dish for the first time and realize that it’s your favorite thing in the world and you just know that any time you have it, you’ll feel as if your worries are gone, if just for a moment, as you’re savoring the flavors.

Being with Jaebum is, for lack of a better word, _fun_. The Jaebum with Mark is so different from the Jaebum that everybody else knows: CEO, cold, intimidating, ruthless. And those traits are accurate, Mark guesses, but there’s also the Jaebum who falls asleep on random park benches because the sunlight feels like a warm blanket against his skin, who treats his cat like the most precious thing in the universe, who collapses on the floor melodramatically whenever he’s slightly injured, who makes weird faces when he’s bored and wants to hear Mark laugh, who always asks how Mark is doing to make sure he’s okay, who ran to Mark’s house and banged on the door at 1:31am holding a stuffed Pikachu and a bouquet of roses to confess.

 

“Status update?” are the words that shatter Mark’s illusion.

But these aren’t the people Mark was trained to deceive. These are the people who took Mark in and saved his life, who gave him purpose and worth and put him on a pedestal for all their agents and clients to see. So he doesn’t lie.

“He’s in love with me.” _I’m in love with him, too_ , Mark doesn’t say out loud.

“Excellent. We’ll forward you a new list of information we need. The project is nearing termination—approximately four months, or so. Keep up the good work.”

The line goes dead and Mark’s heart shatters.

 

Mark is the perfect agent. Every night, whether he’s tucked against Jaebum’s chest or not, Mark feels like he’ll be sick. He feels like there’s a war going on inside of him and sooner or later he’ll puke up the blood that has been shed, but he never does. He relaxes himself against Jaebum’s body and keeps a steady voice during his phone calls with the Agency, so nobody ever knows that he feels like he’s dying inside.

 

One call every project is different from the rest. Instead of 10:30pm, it happens at 10:30am. That’s how the agent knows that it’s the elimination call. It goes like this: “Thank you for your efforts. The project has been completed.”

Standard procedure is as follows: the agent terminates the target the same night; the agent video calls the Agency from a secure line nobody has ever been able to infiltrate with proof of completion, reducing the possibility of a digital trail; the agent goes back to Headquarters and waits for the next assignment.

 

Mark is the perfect agent. He gets the call in the morning and his voice is deceptively stable when he answers, “Confirmed,” but he is trembling as he hangs up and sinks to the floor, hyperventilating. Once he’s calmed down, though, Mark steels himself. He opens up the briefcase in his safe and picks his poison. He invites Jaebum to dinner. Jaebum is ecstatic; he’s usually the one who asks Mark over because he misses him, because he feels incomplete when he hasn’t seen Mark, but Mark is asking him this time and Jaebum couldn’t be more pleased, especially since Mark has seemed a little down recently. After dinner, they cuddle in Mark’s bed and watch _The Simpsons_ , Jaebum’s favorite. For some reason Jaebum feels more tired than usual and falls asleep quickly. He doesn’t see the tears leaking out of Mark’s eyes as his breaths steady and then, exactly 77 minutes later (Mark knows this for a fact, because that’s how this specific poison works), cease completely.

Mark grabs his phone with shaking hands, video calling the Agency. He makes sure to never show his face on camera, his face that’s streaked with salty rivers. Instead, he keeps the camera aimed on the lifeless body of his first love.

“Incredible work, Mark. Absolutely stellar. We’ll see you soon.”

 

And then, for the first time in his life, Mark deviates from protocol. He doesn’t go back to Headquarters to receive a new assignment. Instead, he decides his own.

 

Mark is the only agent with a 100% success rate. This time is no different.

He eliminates his next target. Himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is longer than a drabble, but i’m putting it here anyways you can’t stop me
> 
> anaxiphilia is the word “pride and prejudice” was supposed to be based off of, but i think what i have now fits more and i actually like it (typical me, to like the dark stuff)


	4. yí rì sān qiū (一日三秋)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (chinese, idiom): lit. “one day, three autumns”; intensely missing or longing for someone, that a single day apart feels as long as three years

It’s been a week since Jaebum last saw Mark.

A week isn’t supposed to seem like a long time. Jaebum has honestly shut himself away from their sometimes unbearably annoying (read: lovely) group of friends for longer, needing the peace and quiet and wanting to get away from the inevitable headache that comes with playing the mediator.

But a week away from _Mark_? It felt like death.

 _What a dramatic thing to think_ , Jaebum huffs to himself as he blinks the sleep away from his eyes and turns to look at the clock on the nightstand. 2:37AM, the clock reads and Jaebum sighs in annoyance. For the past week, Jaebum hasn’t gotten a full night’s rest, too used to another warm body curled around his, legs entwined and Mark’s slim hands on Jaebum’s chest, right over his heart.

It’d be 1:37PM of the previous day where Mark is, on a business trip in New York City. Jaebum knows the deal Mark’s company is trying to negotiate is incredibly important—Mark is stuck in meetings all day and he arrives back at his hotel every night past midnight and exhausted. Jaebum knows this because Mark never fails to FaceTime him when his day is done, even though Jaebum can see the heavy circles under Mark’s eyes and the crease of fatigue in Mark’s brows. They usually only talk for a few minutes because Mark calls when Jaebum is on a lunch break from his own job and no matter how much Jaebum aches to hear Mark’s voice, Mark’s health (and making sure he gets enough rest) comes first.

Jaebum can’t fall back asleep now that he’s woken up, though, at least not for an hour or two. He knows this because it’s been his routine while Mark has been gone, waking up in the middle of the night feeling the emptiness on the opposite side of the bed and in his heart. So Jaebum escapes from under the covers and makes his way to their kitchen to pour himself a glass of water and sit until he feels tired again.

On his way to the kitchen, he feels something soft against his shin. He looks down to see Odd rubbing his leg—scent marking, a sign of affection. Jaebum reaches down a scratches in between Odd’s ears, a small smile playing at his lips. Odd is Mark’s favorite of the three cats and his clothes are always covered in white fur. Seeing Odd, Jaebum makes a detour into the living room, where, just as he expected, Nora and Kunta are perched on the windowsill, looking down at the lights of Seoul. They turn their heads when they hear Jaebum’s footsteps and he grins at the way their eyes close and they start purring in contentment as Jaebum pets them. He’s glad he has the cats; in Mark’s absence, the apartment would be far too lonely without them to keep Jaebum company.

Odd jumps up to join Nora and Kunta and Jaebum turns back towards the kitchen. He wonders, idly, if they think the city is theirs, can imagine Mark’s amused chuckle if he had voiced the thought aloud and Mark were there.

Everywhere, Jaebum is reminded of Mark. This happens when Mark is back home with him, too, but the lack of Mark’s presence makes Jaebum acutely aware of just how much he thinks of his boyfriend. Jaebum eyes his laptop sitting on the countertop and opens it. If he can’t sleep, he might as well try to get some work done, right?

Except when he opens his laptop he is greeted by a screensaver of him and Mark, holding hands and smiling happily at each other. One of their friends had taken it, when a group of them were hanging out at the park, and Jaebum and Mark had wandered off, as they so often do, lost in their own little world. They didn’t know the picture had been taken until it was texted to them, with a cheeky message of _Don’t forget, hyungs, we exist too!_ to a group chat. Jaebum had saved the picture immediately, and he knows Mark did as well.

Spurred by a sharp twinge of longing, Jaebum clicks FaceTime open and presses the call button next to Mark’s name. It’s a long shot, and Mark’s probably stuck in a meeting with his phone off, but Jaebum still hopes as the ringing tone blares throughout the silent apartment and –

“Jaebummie? Is everything alright?”

Relief floods through Jaebum’s veins as Mark’s face appears on the screen and his voice fills Jaebum’s ears. Normally, he would tell Mark off for the nickname, but he’s too happy to care.

“I’m fine,” Jaebum says, “but I couldn’t sleep…. I miss you too much.”

Mark’s eyes melt from intense worry into a gentler concern laced with wistfulness.

“I miss you, too, Jaebum-ah. It feels like it’s been years since I last saw you in person.”

And of course, Mark would understand his heart and say the words Jaebum has been thinking for the past week.

“How is everything over there?” Jaebum asks, “Are things going smoothly?”

Mark sighs, obviously a little frustrated, “For the most part. There are some discrepancies that we’ve been trying to sort out. They’re taking more time than I thought, though, and the company has us on a tight schedule.”

There’s more that Mark isn’t telling him, Jaebum knows, because Mark doesn’t like to trouble other people with his problems. It had taken a while in their relationship for Mark to be vocal about any of his stresses at all, especially because he is so adept at dealing with them on his own, but still, Jaebum worries, “I wish I were there with you.”

Mark smiles a bit ruefully, “I wish you were here, too. Three more days, Jaebummie, and then I’ll be back.”

Jaebum knows (knows down to the minute, actually, the time it’ll take for Mark to come back to him again). He hears muffled voices in the background, the sound of fluent English getting louder as Mark turns to look over his shoulder.

Mark curses softly under his breath and Jaebum chuckles a little bit at the gesture.

“Sorry, Jaebummie, I have to go. The meeting’s starting again and I need to be there.”

“I figured. Make sure you get enough rest; you must be so worn out.”

At this, Mark gives him a sharp glare, as if to say, _And who’s the one not sleeping right now, hm?_

“Look who’s talking,” Mark says, curtly, “I would yell at you, but I really do have to go now.”

“ _Go_ ,” Jaebum laughs, “I love you.”

Mark softens, “I love you, too,” and the call ends.

Jaebum shuts his laptop, the sight of Mark’s smiling face as he hung up burned behind Jaebum’s eyelids.

 _Only three more days_ , Jaebum thinks as he finishes the glass of water he poured himself and makes his way back to their room. He climbs under the covers and closes his eyes, thinking of Mark, always.

 _Three more days_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super short and not proofread, but i wanted to start writing again after finals hell
> 
> when i started writing the drabble for this word i thought it would be fluff but i don’t think it is tbh please lmk


	5. trouvaille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trouvaille (french, n.): a valuable discovery, or a lucky find; something lovely discovered by chance

It was like a scene from a movie, how Mark and Jaebum met.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010, they both remember.

 

Jaebum had entered the café before Mark, a random stop as he was walking idly through the streets of Paris on summer vacation. It looked like a nice place to collect his thoughts, to properly document certain photographs and mementos gathered throughout his trip so far.

It’s lively inside, which Jaebum wasn’t expecting, but the chatter is nice after too many days of silence and heartbreak.

This trip was the final leg of what Jaebum’s friends described as his “road to recovery”—a test of sorts to see if Jaebum could enjoy, by himself, a city known for romance—from a rather unpleasant relationship that took more of Jaebum’s time and emotional well-being than it should have. People are always a bit stupid, though, especially when they think they’re in love.

He orders an espresso and a glass of orange juice, takes out the photos he’s printed as well as a sketchbook, and starts to draw.

 

Mark was in Paris for a summer abroad program offered by his university. It would be good to see the world, he thought, and completing graduation requirements at the same time, to ease up his later semesters in college, would be good too. This program ticked off all the boxes for Mark, who makes decisions based on practicality and logic. He doesn’t like chance.

The café was one of his favorites. He and a group of students made it their mission to café hop during the summer: a quick way to make friends and embrace Parisian culture (again, a practical decision). They found this place three and a half weeks into their summer, and while some of their initial group still visited a new café every time they went out, Mark and two others decided that this café would be just fine for the rest of their time in Paris.

They walk in that Wednesday, just having finished taking summer midterms. Their afternoons are free and they plan on spending it exploring more, after a quick lunch at their favorite place.

 

This is where their stories collide.

It’s picturesque, as was mentioned before.

After ordering their food and drinks, Mark and his friends sit at a table in the middle of the café, too busy with their own conversations to notice anything else besides each other.

But then, one coincidental turn of Mark’s head and he _sees_.

There’s a man sitting by himself near the windows, immersed in what looks like journal writing, but the movement of his hand is too irregular for him to be writing words. Maybe sketching? His face is focused in concentration, but Mark can see the faintest ghost of a smile as he works. The man wrinkles his nose just as a ray of sunlight shines through the clouds, and it’s so _cute_ but beautiful at the same time that whatever Mark was saying dies on his lips.

“Excuse me,” he mutters to his friends, half-dazed.

They’re confused because in the time they’ve known Mark, this isn’t usual behavior. Mark doesn’t deviate from established plans, but then they watch where Mark is walking towards and they know.

Mark doesn’t see the smirks his friends shoot at each other, too enthralled to care to look back.

He reaches Jaebum’s table. Jaebum, who is still preoccupied in his own world, hasn’t noticed yet.

“Hi,” Mark greets and this is when Jaebum finally looks up from his sketchbook, “is this seat free?”

There are plenty of open spots in the café, but Jaebum isn’t a complete asshole and he’s a bit taken with how handsome the person in front of him is—especially the cute little fanged teeth that poke out of the man’s smile—so he gestures at the seat across from him for Mark to sit down.

Jaebum isn’t expecting to learn the man’s name, or to see him ever again, but he sees him the next day and the day after that and every day that’s left of his vacation and learns more about Mark Tuan in a little over one week than he ever did about his ex in the eight months they were together.

 

Seven and a half years later, they still marvel at the fact that Mark was in Paris to learn and Jaebum was in Paris to escape the vestiges of failed love and yet, somehow, they managed to find each other.

When their friends and family ask them how they got together, Jaebum would say he was lucky to have discovered that particular café, but he was luckier to have discovered the boy inside.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> legit wrote this in less than an hour, inspired by taylor swift’s begin again mv and lyrics when i was having a throwback moment loll
> 
> timing in the story is probably a bit weird, but y'know ... whatever
> 
> also i made mark the person who goes up to jaebum bc i feel like he’s pretty upfront with his emotions and do y’all really think shy-ass im jaebum who hides from fans under bucket hats and gets embarrassed when people tell him he’s handsome would do it? yeah, me either heh
> 
> i always appreciate comments/kudos even if i don't respond (i'm horrible, i'm sorry)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nojammp3) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/rewindmp3)


	6. irusu (居留守)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (japanese, n.): pretending to be out or not at home when somebody comes by your house

Mark hasn’t left his apartment in approximately five days.

He feels like shit and every time he looks at his phone lock screen, his heart breaks all over again. He should probably change it. He’s glad his job is one where he can work remotely because he can barely muster the energy to open his eyes and sit up in his bed, let alone commute to his office.

His friends, _their_ friends, have been checking up on him in what seems to be a rotating schedule. Jinyoung was the first to come, which Mark thought was strange because he was always closer to Jaebum than he was to Mark. Then there was Jackson with Mark’s favorite Chinese dishes from the one restaurant in the city that actually made it taste like home. Youngjae came the day after and tried to distract Mark by gaming with him, which worked for a while, until Mark became numb to his computer screen and everything came flooding back. Then came Bambam with home-cooked Thai food and boundless energy, albeit a little more forced than usual. These were strange circumstances, after all.

Mark wonders who it’ll be today, or if they’re all sick of his moping.

 

It’s not like it was a particularly bad breakup. The company Jaebum works for offered him a promotion, an incredible opportunity that would’ve been stupid to reject, especially because it was their first year out of university and nobody had gotten promoted that quickly before. The company saw potential in Jaebum. Who wouldn’t? Jaebum has always exceeded every expectation, even when they were in school. Mark was honestly shocked that Jaebum had confessed to him the month before they were set to graduate. He didn’t think he was anything special in comparison to Jaebum, but that doesn’t matter anymore.

The catch of Jaebum’s promotion? They wanted him to relocate to their headquarters in London.

When Jaebum mentioned this condition, Mark felt his heart plummet. But as quickly as his heart plummeted, his head worked to process different possibilities of long distance. They could video chat regularly and text even more frequently and plan vacations together. They could surely make this work, right?

But just as he was about to open his mouth and voice these thoughts, he heard Jaebum say, “We should probably break up.”

Mark’s head dropped and he stared at his clasped hands, frozen and unable to look at Jaebum’s face. He didn’t believe in them.

“It’s for the best,” he heard Jaebum’s voice carry on. “It’s just more practical this way.” In retrospect, there may have been something in the tone of Jaebum’s voice (something like regret?), but in the moment, Mark wanted to throw up.

“Right,” Mark answered, voice cold, “more practical. Got it.”

Then he stood up and left Jaebum’s apartment, never once looking at the boy who was breaking his heart.

He didn’t slam the door on his way out because he wasn’t like that. He got to his apartment, showered, and climbed into bed, but everything was mechanical. The sting of burning water that was making his skin turn pink felt like nothing and he didn’t relish in the softness of his sheets.

And now, Mark sits at his kitchen island, sipping on hot tea as he tries to focus on a work project and not let himself drown in memories.

The sun has dipped below the horizon, but the sky was gray long before that. It seemed to reflect Mark’s mood, except five days ago, the sun was shining relentlessly.

He hears knocking at his door, so he saves what he was doing and walks over, shivering a little bit when his bare feet touch the cold wood floors. When he looks through the peephole and recognizes the broad shoulders and jet-black hair, it feels like his heart is folding in on itself.

It’s Jaebum. But Mark doesn’t want to talk to him. He stands there, at a loss for what to do. His lights are on—that much is clear to someone standing outside—but maybe he went out and forgot to turn them off. That’s reasonable, right?

The knocking continues.

“Mark?” Jaebum calls out, and Mark didn’t realize how much he missed Jaebum’s voice until then, “Mark, I know you’re there. Please open the door.”

Silently, Mark sinks to the floor. He rests his back against the door and fights back the sting of tears in his eyes. He hadn’t cried about this whole situation yet and he doesn’t want to start now.

“Jinyoung has been lecturing me everyday to explain myself and Yugyeom came to my apartment today and threatened to key my car if I didn’t come over here and I know you’re there because he was the one who was supposed to see you today and not me, but… here I am instead.”

Mark hears a thud and he doesn’t understand how he knows, but he _knows_ that it was Jaebum falling head-first onto his door to lean against it. The sting becomes too much and he shuts his eyes firmly as tears spill over.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. Maybe you’re in your room now and can’t hear me, but I’m going to say what I came to say anyways.” It sounds like Jaebum’s on the verge of tears too, but what’s louder is the rain that comes crashing down in sheets and the thunder that booms before the lightning that flashes in the sky. Mark can’t see the lightning, anyways, because his head is buried in his arms that are folded against his knees as he listens to Jaebum through his door.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m so so so so sorry. I didn’t want to break up with you; _fuck_ , I’m still so _fucking_ in love with you. But I was more scared of not being in control of losing you than I was of losing you to begin with, which is stupid and doesn’t make any sense out loud, but I’ve been miserable, Mark, you have to believe me. I was scared that if I was away, you would realize that you deserve better than me and that the hours the company wants me to work would mean the FaceTimes and texts and everything would dwindle until you fell out of love with me and I couldn’t be there to make you feel like you were loved, but you _are_.”

He can hear how Jaebum’s voice breaks over the claps of thunder and he knows that means Jaebum is crying.

“I’m an absolute fucking idiot, though, and everyone made me see that. And I know I don’t deserve you because if I did, then I would’ve fought harder to make us work and not destroyed what we had—what we _have_ —before I even had to leave, but I’m fighting now.”

Mark’s throat is parched from not sobbing out loud and he can feel his tears mixing with the snot from his runny nose, but he still doesn’t make a sound.

“Please, if you’re home and you forgive me… please, just open the door.”

 

Maybe everything will work out later, but today? Today, Mark still feels the bitter sting of betrayal from five days ago and opts to break two hearts for the second time.

He’s not home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, written in around an hour and very much Not Proofread, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!! but take this as an apology for not updating [loves me, loves me not](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12598860/chapters/28697720) in 309809485 years... i'm working on it, i swear! school was crazy and drained me of any creativity and i'm about to start an internship over the summer, so it might be a while, but i'm trying my best ;~; 
> 
> lmk what you guys thought of this!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nojammp3) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/rewindmp3)


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